Friday’s Venus/Uranus opposition came and went without much angst, at least in our household. Yesterday’s Sun/Pluto square was, likewise, a non-event, even with a visit to see my family – which given our clashing perspectives on affairs of state and events of the day is always a potential landmine. But the visit was a real pleasure, and we navigated the four and a half hour round-trip drive without incident.
Then today, a glancing blow. In a setup familiar to us all – whether from personal experience or from years of watching bad situation comedies on television – I was visiting with two friends when one of them casually referenced an event being held next weekend by a mutual friend.
An event of which I knew nothing.
An awkward pause in the conversation ensued, quickly followed by the assurance that all in our group of friends were invited. That surely it’s an email problem or something.
Maybe, maybe not. The moment passes and we speak of other things. But later, I scour my email boxes and spam filters and come up with nothing. I feel absurdly wounded, even as my rational self calmly explains that it really must be an oversight or a mysterious internet failure, the cyber-equivalent of the tube sock that disappears forever after last having been sighted entering the clothes dryer. After all, I have no reason to imagine the friend would snub me… but perhaps I have unwittingly caused offense? Am I a terrible person? Is this person really my friend?
And wouldn’t you imagine today’s transit of Venus to my Midheaven would feel much better than this?
Oh, right… this Friday’s Solar Eclipse squares my natal Venus, ruler of my 11th house. Eclipses to Venus have this way of making us doubt our essential value and lovability. This would explain the rapid descent down a rabbit hole of self-loathing that was precipitated by this one tiny incident: I’m not nice, no one likes me, I’m a general failure as a human being, blah blah blah. Of course, the adult response would be to drop my friend a casual note to clear the matter up, which I will likely do – as soon as my insecurity meter backs a few points off from pain mode. And if this is as bad as this eclipse lesson gets, I suppose I’m getting off lightly.
In fact, I’ve had some good experiences with eclipse aspects to natal Venus in the past (perhaps because these eclipses so often aspect my natal Part of Fortune as well), including the beginning of my romantic relationship with my husband in 1992 and a reunion with old high school friends in 2001. But even those positive expressions of eclipse/Venus had their angsty side. Starting a romantic relationship with someone who has been a close friend is especially perilous, but beginning any new relationship cranks the insecurity level up to 11. And anyone who’s ever been to a high school reunion can tell you about the Venusian ramifications of meeting up with people who Knew You When and who haven’t seen you for twenty years.
Would that I were endowed with flawless confidence and bountiful self-esteem, but of course I’m not – and who among us is? Eclipse aspects to natal Venus remind us that not everyone likes us, and that the world will not always give us the treatment – whether kind or cruel – that we think we deserve. Yes, being treated with love and kindness can be just as disconcerting as being treated with indifference or outright dislike, if you don’t believe you are worthy of that love and kindness.
I’m holding tight to the wise words of Eleanor Roosevelt, who knew a thing or two about raggedy self-esteem and who once famously declared, “No one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” Whatever may come my way during this eclipse lesson, permission to make me feel inferior will be granted to no one – and that includes me.
