Oh, the free-floating, inchoate wrath of Mars turning direct (March 10) and the mounting tension of the cardinal grand cross! Flaring nostrils and antagonistic repartee are currently all the rage (you’ll pardon the pun), despite the best efforts of Saturn in Libra to restore civility and common courtesy to the zeitgeist. In honor of Saturn, and of this Full Moon, in Libra – the sign of good manners and harmonious relationships – I have turned this column over to my dear friend Ms. AstroManners, who will field a few Mars-inspired questions from readers.
Dear Ms. AstroManners:
Someone recently wrote a comment on my friend’s Facebook page that went against my political beliefs and made me really angry, so I told the person off. We got in a big fight right there on Facebook, and now my friend is mad at me and says I should apologize. With Mars in Sagittarius, I pride myself on having the courage of my convictions and feel I shouldn’t have to apologize for them. Who’s right – me, or my friend?
Signed,
Steamed in Stockton
Gentle Reader:
It’s a very modern disease, this habit of engaging complete strangers in public arguments. Civilized persons who would never dream of behaving this way at a friend’s dinner party nevertheless think nothing of insulting the friend’s acquaintances in a virtual meeting space. Ms. AstroManners often retires to her settee with a cool compress after reading what passes for discourse in these situations.
Your friend’s attitude is more easily understood if you consider that her Facebook page is the virtual equivalent of her living room. She has gathered acquaintances ranging from grade school chums to quarrelsome relatives to her current co-workers to follow her thoughts and activities in this forum. It is for her alone to set the tone of the discourse and to intervene when others are behaving in a way she finds objectionable – which is precisely what she’s done, though perhaps not in the direction you might have hoped. Mars in Sagittarius or not, unless invited to do otherwise by your host’s words or example, you should behave as you were doubtless taught to do at any social gathering: contribute polite and interesting conversation when appropriate and tactfully ignore statements that contradict your own views. Those you may discuss on your Facebook page.
Dear Ms. AstroManners:
I am shocked – shocked! – by the casual use of profanity in everyday life. To me, a four-letter profanity is as violent as a slap in the face. I recently chastised a friend for her use of a particularly piquant expletive and was rudely advised to mind my own #$%@ing business. With Mars in my 7th house of close friends, this is unfortunately not the first time something like this has happened. How can I keep my friends from using language I find offensive when we are together?
Signed,
Scandalized in Scranton
Gentle Reader:
Ms. AstroManners once had a kindly, doting uncle who was the acme of gentle manners, save for one disconcerting habit: he dipped snuff and tended to be a little rough in the company of a spittoon. Being of delicate sensibilities, Ms. AstroManners found this habit so unsettling that she avoided spending much time with this otherwise lovely man. Imagine her guilt when, after his death, his widow gave Ms. AstroManners a lovely family heirloom he had set aside for her, confiding that Uncle Spittoon adored his niece and was sad that he didn’t get to spend more time with her.
Some of the people we hold most dear have habits that we deplore. In some cases, such as substance abuse, these habits have a direct bearing on personal safety, making intervention or avoidance reasonable options. Then there are those habits that fall under the rubric of “things I myself would not do, but which cause me negligible harm when done by others”. Only you can decide whether the benefits of a relationship outweigh the drawbacks – or the extent to which a relationship may be damaged by the offering of unsolicited advice. Your friend’s reaction to your comment about her language was extremely rude, but not unexpected, as adults rarely welcome unsolicited commentary on their personal habits.
Dear Ms. AstroManners:
I’ve got Mars in Aquarius and I volunteer for a non-profit organization that is working to protect the environment. Yesterday I was outside a supermarket to collect signatures for a petition. When I approached a shopper to speak to him, he growled at me to get out of his way. I’ll admit, I got angry. I shouted after him that he was selfish and should care more about the planet. Please remind your readers that people like me are just trying to inform them of important issues and that there is no reason to be rude.
Signed,
Insulted in Indianapolis
Gentle Reader:
Ms. AstroManners does not approve of the way in which the shopper expressed his unwillingness to talk with you. However, she reminds you that approaching total strangers in the process of living their daily lives is a tenuous proposition. Many haven’t the time or inclination to speak to you, nor are they under any obligation to do so. Be sure you remember this when you approach strangers; preface your remarks with polite apology for the interruption, and apologize again and withdraw if your interruption is not welcome. After all, for all you know this shopper could have just lost a loved one or been fired from a job. For that matter, he could have been one of your organization’s most loyal supporters – though his interaction with you might have given him second thoughts about that.
Dear Ms. AstroManners:
Who do you think you are, setting yourself up as an arbiter of good manners?
Signed,
Huffy in Henderson (Mars rising)
Gentle Reader:
Why, I am Ms. AstroManners.
Ms. AstroManners has eight planets in Libra and underwent a Mars-ectomy shortly after birth. She and the letter writers featured in this column are entirely a figment of April Elliott Kent’s imagination – which is not to say they are untrue.
© 2010 April Elliott Kent
All rights reserved.
