On a recent morning, I woke up exhausted and filled with dread. Worrying about some new organizational duties, reluctantly assumed, had cost me sleep. Even while I was still burrowed under the blankets, a desk full of work arose before my eyes, more than I could conceivably finish on schedule. Meanwhile, a project that had been hanging over my head for weeks was now leaning, hard, on my conscience. It didn’t feel like the right fit for me, but I was afraid to turn it down for fear of burning bridges to future opportunities.
Wearily, I finished my coffee, wandered into my office, and immediately faced a huge stack of subscriber orders for customized Saturn reports, at least as many as I’d already written over the past couple of weeks.
And just like that, I had an epiphany. The many, many words of advice I’d written about the planet of authority and personal accountability finally penetrated my thick skull. “Saturn will cross my Ascendant in a few weeks,” I thought, “and if I keep living the life that’s offered to me instead of choosing the one I want, I have no one but myself to blame if I’m unhappy.”
I squared my shoulders and fired up my computer. By lunchtime, I’d extracted myself from the Project of Damocles, devised an approach to manage my new organizational responsibilities, and knocked out a report. That afternoon, I even took a nap.
Endings and beginnings are kissing cousins by nature, but at this particular New Moon they’re especially intimate. Saturn is nearing the end of its long, dark sojourn through Scorpio, where it’s traveled since October 2012. As it enters Sagittarius (December 23), there are sure to be new and difficult lessons – but at this point, many of us would prefer just about anything to the challenges we’ve been facing for the past couple of years. This New Moon, exact within hours after the Winter Solstice and Uranus stationing direct, is in Saturn’s own sign, Capricorn. As one door closes (Saturn at the last degree of Scorpio), another one is opening, symbolized by the New Moon at 0 degrees.
It’s easy to paint Saturn and Capricorn as downers, but that’s not how I feel about them. Remembering that I’m in charge of my own misery or happiness has been incredibly empowering. The prospect of being the author of my own life is more thrilling than any book I have written or could write. The idea that I might build a life that pleases me, instead of trying to please or impress others, feels revolutionary, delicious, liberating.
The past couple of years have been very difficult for a lot of people. I’ve seen friends bankrupted and nearly living on the streets. I’ve seen long-term relationships hit serious stumbling blocks; a few did not survive. I long ago stopped following the news, but enough of the highlights penetrate my cone of silence that I’m aware things have gotten very dark indeed in the big world outside my small one.
It is the end of Saturn in Scorpio for another 29 years, save for a brief retrograde between June 14 and September 17, 2015. And because there is nothing wishy-washy about Scorpio, Saturn is finishing its transit here in characteristically decisive fashion. “No longer this,” we think, even if we’re not sure what will fill the gaps opened by loss.
Like Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, escaping certain death by leaping from a high cliff into roaring rapids, we have been prepared by Scorpio for the open-armed embrace of the wild, blue, Sagittarian yonder. We are on the cliff, ready to commit to moving forward—leaping into uncertainty, and burning our bridges behind us if necessary.
To each of you, a peaceful holiday season, and a joyous leap into the wild blue yonder of 2015,
With love,
April
© 2014 April Elliott Kent
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