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Conjuring love

When I was single, I hated Valentine’s Day; I felt it had been created for the sole purpose of throwing my loneliness in my face with a cruel, taunting laugh. Then, some few New Moons before I met my husband, I decided I was truly ready to find a partner. Since relying on my own flawed judgment hadn’t gotten me very far, it occurred to me that perhaps a benevolent universe could do better job of match-making; and so I composed a ritual. It began with a step I think was the most powerful: creating a list of the five essential qualities I wanted in a mate. That took some doing; it’s probably the first time I had stopped to really think about what I wanted, rather than what I didn’t want (which my many failed and, occasionally, tragic romances had made abundantly clear to me).

I don’t remember exactly what I wrote. I know I wanted someone honest – a quality that had been utterly lacking in many of my previous romantic forays. To that I probably added: someone sane (ask any Leo: we tend to gravitate toward our opposite sign, Aquarius, and in doing so we often veer into the “batsh@t crazy” end of the Aquarian spectrum on our way to “brilliantly quirky”), someone hard working, someone who made me laugh, someone who really wanted to be married. I folded up my list and tucked it under a dish with a lit pink (Venus’ color) candle on it. In a small pink handkerchief, I wrapped a tiny cloth doll of a man (which I had picked up for some reason at a Renaissance fair, years before). “This is my mate,” I declared (briefly wondering whether to add “is a full-sized human person” to my list), sealed the cloth with some of the wax from the candle, and left it on the my little makeshift altar until the candle burned all the way down.

The next day I stowed the little figure and the list in a box somewhere and completely forgot about them – until about a year later, when my (honest, sane, hard working, funny, committed, full-sized human) soon-to-be husband and I were packing up my apartment for my move to San Diego to get married. We had started out as friends, and it look awhile for me to recognize him as the person with whom I wanted to spend the rest of my life.

So, you know – successful conjuring! That said, I’m sort of an agnostic on the subject of ritual. I don’t really believe there’s anything magical about lighting a candle or reciting an incantation or even the phase of the moon. I think what manifests results in our lives is pretty simple – readinessintention (showing a willingness to engage in the process of getting what you want), and attention (so that you recognize it when it shows up). The beauty of ritual is that it helps us clarify what we want.

Happy Valentine’s Day, then.  And if you’re feeling a little lonely, use this day to shift gears from misery to clarity. Make your lists, burn your candles, sing a song, clap your hands, or do anything else that helps you focus on what (or who) you want, so that you are more likely to recognize it when it shows up – even if it’s wrapped in a package that you weren’t expecting.

© April Elliott Kent

More about my love story in my interview for APM’s podcast Too Beautiful to Live! My segment comes at around the 25 minute mark.

12 comments to " Conjuring love "

  • Marly

    Best gift the ex-hubs ever gave me? Made me appreciate how annoying Valentine’s Day is what with the feeling of obligation about buying flowers, cards, etc. The memory of all that neediness makes singlehood takes all the sting out of Valentine’s Day, believe me. Doesn’t mean I don’t feel on other days of the year, though, but man, that was horrible.

    I did that ritual, btw, April. I still have a lot of work to do on myself, though. And, also, yes! I’m tired of the overly eccentric dudes. I don’t mind quirks but outright weird is no longer cute.

  • Anonymous

    I’m a Leo too April, and have to say
    I know exactly what you are talking about with regard to being drawn to the quirkier more eccentric astro types of partners, with dire consequences.
    It might have been easier just having a rubics cube. Thankyou for sharing your thoughts on this. I will try your ritual.

  • The fact that Valentine’s Day falls during the Aquarian Sun says it all, I’m afraid.

    The ritual I performed was more elaborate, done with a real ritual magician on an outcropping of Leo Carrillo at midnight on Beltane. I didn’t realize that a year later I’d meet BOTH of my future boyfriends in the space of about 2 weeks. Both Taurus, both feel like forever.

    Obviously, one *wasn’t.* 😉

    Wish you and your Aussie man all the love in the world!

  • Eccentric definitely = cute as a bug. Weirdo-crazy, not so much cute.

    @Marly – Neediness is not a thrilling and romantic feeling, is it?

    @Meredith – Ha! Your will know your Prince Charming the minute you see him: he’ll be the one who shows up on your doorstep with a bouquet of Rubics cubes!

    @Maria – See, *that*’s a ritual. Leave it to a Leo to make things super-theatrical. 😉 (But Pssst… New Zealand, not Australia! That particular mistake has been known to cause an international incident…)

  • […] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Empowering Astrology, April Elliott Kent. April Elliott Kent said: Curmudeonly Valentine's Day thoughts; positive thoughts on conjuring love… […]

  • Oh god! Sorry. New Zealand! Tell him the All Blacks scare me. In a good way. 😀

  • Yes, but I am begging forgiveness. 🙂

  • Mia

    Take Valentine’s day to a broader deeper level! I decided to years ago, feeling that people no in relationship or in poor relationships were made to feel very lonely by the ( Hallmark-created) holiday. The years I have the time and energy to make valentines I make them very fancy and I make them for friends, elders, members of my yoga class, etc so people who might feel left out are not.

    About attracting our true mate:
    After a painful divorce I wrote a list of qualities i wanted in a mate and put the list in my jewelry box and 3 years later the man of my dreams showed up…he had every quality on the list from “spiritual but not dogmatic” to
    must love travel and animals” to “half Italian or Maine Indian a plus” to “looks good in jeans” ( I got extremely specific. i have told friends and therapy clients to create a “heart’s desire list and these last few years it has worked for EVERYONE who has done it—bar none. Blessings and love to all, Mia

  • Brilliant. As another fellow Leo gal, I can totally relate to the eccentric Aquarius attraction. Oy! Yes to powerful ritual making. Love!

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