Cancer Full Moon: Taproot

I’m not a sound sleeper. The question each night is not whether I’ll wake up, but whether I’ll be able to get back to sleep once I do. Some restless nights my eyes open and my mind immediately begins flitting from topic to topic like a fickle honeybee. I think about getting older, and about the unsettling physical changes than come with age. But it’s not just the physical signs of advancing age that are unnerving. You reach a certain age and realize that just as you’re beginning to perfect your swing, it’s time to get out of the way and let the next generation have its turn at bat. And you’re apt to feel the slightest bit disheartened about how few points you’ve put up on the scoreboard.

Lately, my nighttime mind also works overtime about how to help an elderly friend who is struggling with serious health issues, meager resources, and an increasingly untenable living situation. My parents died young and quickly, and up to now the only aging friends close to me have lived prosperous, sociable lives in assisted living communities or with the help of their families. For the first time, I’m confronted with some very stark realities: What does become of those with no family, few close friends, and little money when the scrappy independence on which they’ve pinned their retirement hopes is slipping away from them?

Many women I know admit to “bag lady” fantasies, fears of being left alone and impoverished in old age, of simply dropping out of sight without being missed. My friend’s situation has awakened that fear in me – the fear of not having enough money saved, but more worryingly of aloneness. For some reason, the solitude that can be so delicious when we’re young and strong becomes dreadful to contemplate for our old age. In fact, researchers now believe that loneliness might be a more significant health factor than obesity, smoking, exercise or nutrition.

Until I reached my fifties, these weren’t the worries that kept me awake nights. My fears generally had to do with dying, unknown, before I’d achieved any of my goals, less a “has-been” than a “never-was.” These worldly, Capricornian fears are real, and they reflect a society that tells us our worth is based on our productivity. But bag lady fantasies are Cancerian fears of estrangement from something I’ve long taken for granted, and now realize is a tremendous gift – a nourishing root system.

Embarking on a new year as the Sun travels arm-in-arm with Saturn in Capricorn, it’s time to make serious resolutions and confront our nighttime phantoms. Are you afraid of being alone? Tap into the family ties, and even the geographical landmarks, that center you and make you feel safe and connected. Do you fear dying without leaving your mark on the world? Think about the people who have meant the most to you, and you’ll probably realize that making a real difference to one person can be a much more powerful legacy than being a darling of the tabloids.

Few of us are completely free from fear or worry in these difficult times. Cancerian fears about home and security and Capricorn worries about status and career are perhaps the most pervasive of all. But the Cancer/Capricorn polarity also offers a strategy for solace and growth, and for staying anchored in the rough waters of hard times. If you feel lonely and vulnerable, find the taproot that sustains you—often family, pets, and close friends—and nurture it with all the love and attention you can muster. And rather than dwelling on lost status, squandered youth, or accolades that may never be yours, focus instead on lending support to those who need your attention, affection, and wisdom—and on what you have to offer a world that needs the unique gifts that are yours alone to give.

© 2009, 2017 by April Elliott Kent

As each year begins, I always run my own Sky Log transits and progressions report for the next 12 months. With inspiring text by the ever-wonderful Steven Forrest, it helps me put the year ahead in perspective. Order yours here and I’ll throw in a Steven Forrest Sky Within natal report, either for yourself or a friend – all for only $14.95!
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11 Responses
  • Paula
    December 31, 2017

    Very insightful take on the energies right now. As always. I am in my mid 60’s and have been thinking about how it would feel to be alone…..when I don’t want to be.

  • Rosslyn Picton
    December 31, 2017

    April, you write with such depth, poetry, and with deeper meaning. At 54, I can relate to everything you’ve expressed so eloquently in this piece. Happiest New Year, and blessings to your friend.

  • Maria Alexander
    December 31, 2017

    Wow, Kent. This hit me right between the eyes. A lot of us who are childless by choice or otherwise are experiencing the same angst as we get older, especially with “entitlements” like Social Security and Medicare on the line.

    By the way, the website that my sleep doctor recommended is tremendous. It’s a Cognitive Behavioral Program especially for sleep that includes techniques that can help you stop your racing mind and fall back to sleep. It’s not a cure-all for those of whose sleep is affecting by perimenopause, nor is it cheap, but it definitely helps.

  • Faith Freewoman
    December 31, 2017

    Awesome! Exactly what my Cancer moon conjunct Saturn (opposed by transiting Saturn) needed to hear. Thanks so much, April, as always!

    Faith Freewoman

  • Deborah
    December 31, 2017

    So spot on! Just came out of my 2nd Saturn return and what a wild one that was. Feeling the wisdom and concerns, as a result, with community being a big one. Thank you, April!

  • Christine
    December 31, 2017

    Aries asc, love my alone time, work on balancing the mind,spirit,n physical body. No fear ar all of leaving this earth. We are born too die, heading too retirement, bring it on, live simply give much. Namaste

  • Valerie
    December 31, 2017

    Thank you for your posting. I am sorry for your losses.

    I am so empathic to your friend’s situation; it is not my reality now; it is a fear of my own. I was the baby of the family and I took care of my Mom until she passed last year. I would not change a thing in that respect. And now I have my life and am also childless. Oh, the aloneness!! Caught between the grief of missing my Mom and planning my life and trying trying trying to not live from that place fear.

  • Jackie
    January 2, 2018

    As to the racing mind, I found that writing down the thoughts, that my mind wanted to hold onto, gave them a place to exist and I was able to get back to sleep.

    Ironically, as I age I feel more connected to everything and not as lonely as I did earlier in life. I do have the same bag lady worries though, but I worry for my children more than for myself. They are Millenials who may not be able to have children due to the economics of the times.

  • Nancy
    January 2, 2018

    Oh boy can I relate to this post!

  • jj
    January 6, 2018

    There’s nature. It seems to be becoming more important as the taproot for me. No kids, just turned 60, relationship kinda wonky, not loving the City anymore – my mind goes to alone time in the countryside (there are a few neighbors, but only show up when you ask). My sister and I used to joke that we would be spinsters together. She’s married now, but it still may happen. She is the main guide for our 90 year old mom on her downward trip in a ‘home’ so we are witnessing what we won’t be able to afford ourselves. Just heard a quote from Maston Kipp: “The quality of your life is directly related to the amount of uncertainty that you can comfortably live with” and that is exactly how I feel floating out here in the unknowing right now. Great writing, thank you.

  • deane driscoll
    January 11, 2018

    Well done, as always. : 0 )

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