There is a popular expression that warns, "Don't
compare your insides to other people's outsides," and it's particularly good
advice for this Libra New Moon season. Libra, as the relationship sign,
symbolizes a keen awareness of others that can work to our advantage in relationships
and in certain careers, too. But that same awareness can become a liability
when it leads us to draw comparisons between ourselves and others - comparisons
that can damage self-esteem and breed envy.
We humans are social animals,
and we take our cues about what to do and be and desire from watching the people
around us. The problem is that we rarely have access to the full story
behind their outward appearances. We may envy a man for driving a new, expensive
vehicle, yet for all we know he may park that car in front of a dumpy apartment
building each night. Most of us admire the sleek figure of a supermodel, but is
there a healthy, happy woman inside that beautiful body? Possibly not, if rumors
about eating disorders in the modeling business are to be believed.
Born
with the Moon in the seventh house - the house associated with Libra - I confess
that I spend a lot more time and energy than I should comparing myself with other
people. This friend has a more graceful home; that one has a sweeter personality;
the other, more clients. All that energy wasted on anxiety, envy, and guilt! It's
as disempowering as when I used to leaf through fashion magazines in my twenties
and compare myself to their unrealistic images of feminine beauty.
I wasn't
always this way, though. Years ago, before I became an astrologer, I was a musician.
I never recall looking over my shoulder to figure out which musicians were better
or more successful than I was; all I cared about was expressing myself exactly
the way I wanted to. But as I developed more musical skill, I occasionally dealt
with fellow musicians who were envious of me. I always wondered: why were they
so focused on what I was doing instead of simply concentrating on sharpening
their own abilities?
Now that I've moved on to a career that is less suited
to rugged individualism and much more Libran in its emphasis on counseling and
salesmanship, I understand envy a bit better. It's all good and well to become
skilled at the technical parts of my job, but it's not enough; to make a living,
an astrologer has to become skilled at reading people, not just their charts,
and to market herself in a way others find appealing. Somehow I've gotten it
into my head that my colleagues have figured this stuff out in a way that I haven't,
and I can't seem to stop comparing my achievements with theirs. Are their
websites more popular than mine, their mailing lists larger, their resumes more
impressive? What do they know that I don't?
Being ruled by comparisons is
odious. But is it ever a good thing, a healthy thing to cultivate a heightened
awareness of other people? Of course. Being sensitive to others is the basis of
a society's laws and rules of etiquette. Growing up, we learn social skills by
comparing ourselves to our parents, our brothers and sisters, and our playmates,
who show us how to behave and let us know when we've stepped out of line. In
astrology, this civilizing process is symbolized by Libra. How attuned are
we to the needs of others? How adept at blending into society, at least to the
extent necessary to stay out of jail and enjoy the occasional dinner party?
Looking
back at my musician days, it's clear that while I didn't suffer the pain of constant
comparisons and envy, my lack of social grace made me an insensitive and ineffective
collaborator. I often made tactless comments, insisted on having my own way, and
generally played poorly with others. Had I made a career in music, I'm not sure
I'd have developed any social skills at all; I might well have ended up with success
in my work but none at all in my personal life.
Becoming an astrologer has
civilized me a bit, even if (and perhaps because) it has made me more vulnerable
to criticism and comparisons. To be of any value as an astrologer I've had to
nurture the promise of my seventh house Moon, with its ability to get inside another's
skin and see the world through their eyes. But developing a heightened awareness
of others can be a difficult skill to switch off at the end of the day. When
you spend too much time looking through another's eyes, it can be all too easy
to lose track of your own truth.
As the (very Libran) adage goes, "Moderation
is best in all things." Marching to the beat of your own drum, Aries-style,
is vitally important, but so, too, is knowing how to appeal to your audience and
how to connect with other people in an effective way. Most of us are a little
more comfortable at one end of the spectrum than the other, but each of us can
learn to navigate the balancing act more deftly.
The Full Moon in Aries
earlier this month offered valuable preparation for this New Moon season by reminding
us to love what we are, pursue our dreams, and let our individual lights shine.
A strong self of self makes us less vulnerable to Libra's shadow side of envy
and of comparing our insides to other people's outsides. At this New Moon,
let the Libra spirit add the polish of sensitivity and balance to your Aries self-confidence
- a lovely lampshade that needn't obscure your individual light in order to soften
it to a warm, inviting glow.
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